I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
