the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
