My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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