I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
