I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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