saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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