HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
