a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
