You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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