I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
