He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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