You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's the barista slut.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
