I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
