You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
