yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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