Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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