It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
