Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
