k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
