I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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