so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
