Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
