We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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