We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
