i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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