I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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