He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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