just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
