She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
