ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
