never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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