hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
