i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
