Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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