when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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