I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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