He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
