you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
