i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
