The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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