Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
