Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
