she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
