Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
