It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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