We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
