Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
