Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
should my penis look like a turkey
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
