I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
