I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
