What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
