im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
