He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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