he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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