We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
