This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
