A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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