forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
