i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
