I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
