best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
