I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
