Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
