i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
