Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
