Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
