Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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