i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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