Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we're so committed to being not committed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
